Hendrick’s Gin (which is itself infused with cucumber) has unveiled what Ambassador Mark Stoddard describes as “an eye-popping, wondrously strange cucumber slicing device that will travel the U.S. with the sole purpose of offering the most beautifully garnished Hendrick’s Gin cocktails ever to grace a glass.”
“The Hendrick’s Grand Garnisher” can achieve road speeds of up to 25 mph, thanks to a hybrid powertrain combining a large diesel motor and a well-dressed gentleman pedaling a large-wheeled bicycle. The 38-foot-long device relies upon an elaborate system of pneumatic tubing, interlocking gears and rotating blades to slice up to 18 cucumbers per hour. “It’s not the most efficient way to garnish a cocktail,” explained Stoddard, “but we do believe it is the most spectacular.”
The Hendrick’s Grand Garnisher will commence its maiden voyage from New York City on June 14th, World Cucumber Day,” said Stoddard, “driving westward from city to city, pausing in select locations to offer citizens strikingly perfect garnishes, cucumber delights and other oddly refreshing activities. This is part of our effort to end misperception of the cucumber as an innocuous salad ingredient. As the core infusion that makes our gin unusually exquisite, we feel the cucumber deserves not only respect but wonder.
Members of the public with the good fortune to spy The Hendrick’s Grand Garnisher on the road are encouraged to photograph the vehicle immediately (lest no one believe them) and post it using #HendricksGrandGarnisher hashtag and by tagging @HendricksGin.
Those who would prefer a less-than-random encounter, may consult this schedule.